Greetings!!!! I have to say it feels good to be writing and sharing with you all again! This is another post that I’ve paired with a video of the same title. I shared a condensed version in the video to keep it short, but definitely give it a view. There are things I covered in the video that I won’t share here. I wanted to use this blog to touch on some topics that didn’t make the cut. You can view the video at the end of the post.
BUT FIRST, SOME EXCITING NEWS!!!
This blog has been chosen as one of the Top 10 Blogs About Midlife Motherhood by Feedspot!! I am so honored and thrilled to be included in that list!! So a BIG shout out to Feedspot for the feature. THANK YOU!!! If you would like to check out the article you can do so right here!!!
NOW ON TO THE POST…
I read a quote one day that said, “When you take care of yourself, your loved ones get the best of you, not the rest of you.” That quote resonated with me because at the time I was still harboring some anger, bitterness, and resentment towards my daughter’s father. I was carrying around so much baggage. There were times when I was literally distracted thinking about how angry I was. Needless to say I felt a heaviness in my spirit that, left unchecked, began to manifest itself in other areas of my life.
My main goal in life is to be the very best mother I can to my daughter. To set life examples for her about love, respect, confidence, and, most relevant for this post, forgiveness. The best way for me to demonstrate to her that forgiveness is necessary, is to walk in that truth in my own life. That meant a conversation with myself that said it’s time to forgive her father for abandoning us.
I say us because, obviously, I took this abandonment real personal. How dare he reject my baby! What was wrong with me that he couldn’t bear to acknowledge a child we made together? How could he not want to be a part of her life? Literally, what the hell? I was spitting mad! I was hurt, resentful, and I wanted revenge. In my darkest moments, I formulated ways to make him feel bad or guilty. I wanted him to acknowledge that what he did was wrong. I fantasized about him coming to his senses and stepping up. Every day it didn’t happen, I just got angrier.
The thing about staying angry with someone is that it can consume your life. It can cloud your judgement and cause you physical pain and fatigue. It takes a lot of energy to maintain it. My energy is precious. I have a toddler, a demanding full-time job, a YouTube channel to run, and a blog to write. I can’t afford to spend precious energy trying to stay angry.
In the end, I realized that once I took a look at the things in my life that were most important, the grudge against my daughter’s father was just not important enough to hold on to. It doesn’t bother him. It bothers me. So I sent him one final text. No lie, the moment I sent the text, is the moment I let go. I knew that I would no longer live with the negativity anymore. No more plotting his demise. No more wishing things were different. He’s made his choice. I accept that. And….I forgive him. Not for him. Not out of some misguided hope that it will change his mind. Not for reconciliation. I forgive him for me, to take care of my heart and spirit. So now I can be best me possible.
Forgiveness is freeing. Bitterness and grudges can bind you and hinder your spiritual growth. So I’m free of it. I can’t tell you how good that feels.
You might be wondering about child support. I spoke to that in the video. You might also be wondering what I’ll do if a miracle happens and he decides to be a father to her. That’s in the video too.
I’ll leave you with a challenge. Are you holding on to anger? Are you resentful? Are you bitter about being hurt by someone? If so, my challenge to you is to let it go. Forgive. Take care of yourself. Be free. Comment below if you accept the challenge.
That’s all. Enjoy the video. Thanks for spending a bit of your time with me.
See you all in the next post! Muah!