Greetings! Midlife Mamma here and I’m back this week to talk to you about some of the challenges I’ve run into as a first time Mom at the tender age of 47. I absolutely adore being Nevaeh’s mommy, but I would be less than truthful if I didn’t say there were few things I find a bit challenging. Want to know what they are? Ok then, here we go…
Baby #2 Is Unlikely and That Makes Me Sad
I was surprised to find that I am one of those people who absolutely loved being pregnant. Despite the difficulties and the constant heartburn in the last three weeks, I would do it again in a heartbeat…if I were closer to 40. Given that I am just a short 2 years and 9 months away from the big 5-0, I’m thinking that having another baby is probably not in the cards for me. Yes I know that Janet Jackson did it at 50, but I worry about my health and I worry about the health of the baby I would potentially carry. Nevaeh was growth restricted because I had high blood pressure. I feel like I must be in the best health of my life right now and I’m not sure going through another pregnancy is a good idea. Which leads me to my next challenge…
I’m Low-Key Neurotic About My Health
Sure on the surface I appear calm and collected and not worried at all about my health, but here’s the thing…I have sleepless nights because I’m worried about something happening to me. Never in my life have I ever been this aware of my own mortality. More than anything, I want to be here to watch my daughter grow up. I want to nurture her, guide her, and teach her. Then I want to watch her spread her wings and fly. The reality is that because I had her at 46, I’m afraid that there are parts of her life I could miss if my health fails. I worry about who will “mother” her if I’m not here to do it. What will happen to her? How will she grow up? These are the thoughts that keep me awake at night, and I’m pretty sure those sleepless nights contribute to the following challenge…
I Am So Tired!
I thought I was tired when I was pregnant. I mean, the fatigue in that first trimester was real! I knew that my sleeping patterns would need to change once my baby was here so I was prepared for the sleepless nights of the newborn stage. I was not prepared for the fatigue after working all day or working a late night, and then coming home to do all the “mom” stuff. When I do finally lay down for the night, more often than not my thoughts start to drift toward the fears I have for her future. Proper rest alludes me and there are some days when my entire body aches with tiredness. I’m talking literal throbbing pain, which makes it hard to keep up with an active toddler.
What Is With The Stiff Joints!!
One of the good things about my job is that I move around a lot. If my smart watch is to be believed, I’m topping 25,000 steps per day. So yes, I tend to be tired when I finish a shift, but suddenly I can’t get up off the couch so easily and getting out of bed isn’t so easy either, even after a good night’s sleep. I don’t even want to talk about how long it takes me to get out of the car. Getting down on the floor to play or read to Nevaeh gives me pause because I know there will be “joint drama” when it’s time to get up. I feel like one day Nevaeh is going to ask, “Mommy, why do you make that noise when you get up off the floor?” Then I will have to suffer in silence. What happened to the lovely limberness that came with pregnancy…ok, youth… and why has it forsaken me? It has to be my age. I’m almost positive my younger counterparts are not reaching for assistance to get up from the floor after playing with their babies. Speaking of my younger counterparts…
Where Does One Go To Meet “Mom” Friends?
This challenge presented itself when I was planning Nevaeh’s first birthday party. If you haven’t heard the story of my meltdown, then you can watch it here. I have friends who are at various stages in life, but the majority of my friends and family either do not have kids Nevaeh’s age, don’t have kids at all, they are starting to get grandchildren, or they do have kids close to Nevaeh’s age but they live out of state. So when it was time to plan a party for my baby I was hard pressed to find even 5 or 6 kids to invite. Clearly there is a need to meet some other moms with kids the same age as mine so there can be play dates and fun parties, but where does one go to do that? Nevaeh does go to daycare now so maybe that will help. I’m not sure though, it seems I may have to “put myself out there” to make new friends and the introvert in me is screaming “NOOOOOO!” I will, alas, have to ignore my anti-social inner voice because I want my daughter to have friends and it would be nice to have a few people in my circle who are living the #toddlerlife.
I’ll stop there, lest it appear that I am complaining. I will never complain about getting the one thing I thought was never going to come. I’ve chosen to use this blog to share what my life is like as a first time mother in her mid-40s. Sometimes it’s not always easy. Fear, worry, sleepless nights, stiff joints, and yes the struggle to make new friends are just little realities that I find challenging, and I believe they are age specific. Are they? What do you think? Do you have any advice? Let me know in the comments.
That’s all for this week. Thank you for reading all the way to the end! I appreciate it!
See you all in the next post!