Pregnant at 45 Series Part 1: Discovering I Was Pregnant

In​ ​the​ ​weeks​ ​leading​ ​up​ ​to​ ​discovering​ ​I​ ​was​ ​pregnant,​ ​I​ ​have​ ​to​ ​say​ ​I​ ​felt​ ​fine.​ ​My​ ​period​ ​was late.​ ​My​ ​trustee​ ​app​ ​dutifully​ ​informed​ ​me​ ​each​ ​day​ ​exactly​ ​how​ ​late.​ ​“You’re​ ​3​ ​days​ ​late.”  “You’re​ ​8​ ​days​ ​late.”​ ​“You’re​ ​12​ ​days​ ​late.”​ ​Until​ ​I​ ​was​ ​35,​ ​I​ ​only​ ​had​ ​one​ ​or​ ​two​ ​periods​ ​a​ ​year.  So​ ​I​ ​was​ ​unbothered.​ ​I​ ​ignored​ ​it,​ ​simply​ ​assuming​ ​my​ ​cycle​ ​had​ ​either​ ​returned​ ​to​ ​its​ ​erratic behavior​ ​of​ ​my​ ​youth,​ ​or​ ​I​ ​was​ ​about​ ​to​ ​start​ ​menopause.​ ​I​ ​was,​ ​after​ ​all,​ ​45​ ​years​ ​old.​ ​About​ ​a  week​ ​before​ ​taking​ ​the​ ​test,​ ​my​ ​best​ ​friend​ ​from​ ​high​ ​school​ ​was​ ​in​ ​town​ ​and​ ​I​ ​ironically​ ​told​ ​her that​ ​my​ ​baby​ ​ship​ ​had​ ​sailed.​ ​No​ ​babies​ ​for​ ​me!​ ​Like​ ​I​ ​said,​ ​I​ ​felt​ ​fine.

At​ ​7​ ​days​ ​late​ ​I​ ​spotted,​ ​but​ ​then​ ​nothing​ ​after​ ​that.​ ​Unsure,​ ​I​ ​turned​ ​to​ ​my​ ​mother​ ​with​ ​the  intention​ ​of​ ​getting​ ​her​ ​take​ ​on​ ​how​ ​menopause​ ​started​ ​for​ ​her.​ ​She​ ​jokingly​ ​asked,​ ​“Are​ ​you pregnant?”​ ​I​ ​said,​ ​“No​ ​way!”​ ​I​ ​mean​ ​I​ ​was​ ​not​ ​displaying​ ​any​ ​of​ ​the​ ​classic​ ​signs​ ​of​ ​pregnancy. There​ ​was​ ​no​ ​nausea,​ ​no​ ​sore​ ​breasts,​ ​no​ ​dizziness.​ ​I​ ​was​ ​fatigued,​ ​but​ ​I​ ​was​ ​working​ ​10-11 hour​ ​days.​ ​I​ ​had​ ​a​ ​bit​ ​of​ ​gas,​ ​but​ ​I​ ​chalked​ ​that​ ​up​ ​to​ ​too​ ​many​ ​salads​ ​because​ ​I​ ​was​ ​dieting​ ​at the​ ​time.​ ​I​ ​explained​ ​all​ ​of​ ​this​ ​to​ ​my​ ​mother​ ​and​ ​then​ ​told​ ​her​ ​I​ ​spotted​ ​for​ ​a​ ​day.​ ​Her​ ​response gave​ ​me​ ​pause.​ ​She​ ​said,​ ​“HA!​ ​That’s​ ​exactly​ ​what​ ​happened​ ​to​ ​me​ ​when​ ​I​ ​was​ ​pregnant​ ​with you!” Enter​ ​Dr.​ ​Google.​ ​I​ ​googled​ ​everything.​ ​By​ ​the​ ​time​ ​I​ ​had​ ​exhausted​ ​the​ ​internet​ ​I​ ​was​ ​left​ ​with two​ ​options.​ ​Perimenopause​ ​or…dun​ ​dun​ ​dun…Pregnancy.​ ​Ok.​ ​I​ ​could​ ​rule​ ​out​ ​one​ ​by​ ​taking​ ​a test.​ ​So​ ​off​ ​to​ ​Target​ ​I​ ​went.​

The Emotional Rollercoaster of Taking a Pregnancy Test

​Armed with my First Response test, ​I​ ​got​ ​up​ ​early​ the next day, ​bit the bullet, ​and​ ​took​ ​the​ ​test.​ ​I left​ ​it​ ​on​ ​the​ ​bathroom​ ​counter​ ​and​ ​took​ ​a​ ​shower, fully expecting a negative result. ​When​ ​I​ ​finished​ ​my​ ​shower​ ​I​ ​looked​ ​over​ ​at the​ ​test,​ ​but​ ​couldn’t​ ​see​ ​the​ ​result.​ ​There​ ​it​ ​was.​ ​The​ ​feeling​ ​I​ ​was​ ​afraid​ ​of…hope.​ ​My​ ​emotions were​ ​in​ ​a​ ​tailspin​ ​and​ ​I​ ​was​ ​right​ ​back​ ​to​ ​my​ ​twenties​ ​hoping​ ​for​ ​a​ ​baby​ ​and​ ​terrified​ ​of​ ​having​ ​to nurse​ ​myself​ ​through​ ​disappointment​ ​when​ ​the​ ​test​ ​was​ ​negative.​ ​Am​ ​I​ ​pregnant?​ ​Of​ ​course​ ​I’m
not​ ​pregnant.​ ​But..maybe?​ ​Don’t​ ​be​ ​sad​ ​if​ ​it’s​ ​negative.​ ​It’s​ ​going​ ​to​ ​be​ ​negative.​ ​Am​ ​I?​ ​There was​ ​nothing​ ​for​ ​it,​ ​I​ ​had​ ​to​ ​look.​ ​I​ ​took​ ​a​ ​deep​ ​breath​ ​and…

test.jpg

Despite​ ​all​ ​of​ ​the​ ​swirl of emotions I was experiencing,​ ​for​ ​First​ ​Response​ ​it​ ​was​ ​a​s ​simple​ as ​Yes+.​ ​Just like that! Pregnant! Me!​ ​I​ ​looked​ ​at the​ ​test,​ ​then​ ​at​ ​myself​ ​in​ ​the​ ​mirror,​ ​then​ ​down​ ​at​ ​the​ ​test​ ​again​ ​and​ ​asked,​ ​“What​ ​do​ ​you mean,​ ​yes?”​ ​I​ ​wasn’t​ ​prepared​ ​for​ ​yes.​ ​I​ ​was​ ​ready​ ​for​ ​no.​ ​I​ ​was​ ​so​ ​sure​ ​it​ ​was​ ​no.​ ​So​ ​yes​ ​was​ ​a shock.​ ​The​ ​next​ ​thing​ ​I​ ​did​ ​was​ ​take​ ​the​ ​test​ ​downstairs​ ​and​ ​showed​ ​it​ ​to​ ​my​ ​mother.​ ​I​ ​would later​ ​regret​ ​that​ ​move​ ​because​ ​we​ ​were​ ​a​ ​month​ ​away​ ​from​ ​Mother’s​ ​Day​ ​and​ ​what​ ​a​ ​great​ ​gift to​ ​give​ ​her!​ ​Anyway,​ ​she​ ​was​ ​half​ ​asleep​ ​and​ ​just​ ​said,​ ​“How​ ​did​ ​you​ ​get​ ​pregnant?”​ ​Oh​ ​my God!​ ​Did​ ​she​ ​want​ ​details?​ ​I​ ​went​ ​back​ ​upstairs​ ​took​ ​a​ ​picture​ ​of​ ​the​ ​test,​ ​texted​ ​it​ ​to​ ​my​ ​cousin and​ ​my​ ​sister,​ ​and​ ​got​ ​ready​ ​for​ ​work.​ ​To​ ​my​ ​mother’s​ ​credit,​ ​she​ ​did​ ​text​ ​me​ ​later​ ​and​ ​ask​ ​was she​ ​dreaming​ ​or​ ​was​ ​I​ ​pregnant.​ ​When​ ​I​ ​confirmed​ ​the​ ​positive​ ​test​ ​she​ ​redeemed​ ​herself​ ​and quickly​ ​made​ ​me​ ​cry​ ​by​ ​saying​ ​“God​ ​said​ ​it​ ​was​ ​time.”​ ​I​ ​absolutely​ ​adore​ ​my​ ​mother!

On​ ​the​ ​way​ ​to​ ​work​ ​I​ ​had​ ​a​ ​joyful,​ ​encouraging​ ​conversation​ ​with​ ​my​ ​cousin​ ​and​ ​a​ ​happy​ ​text from​ ​my​ ​sister.​ ​I​ ​showed​ ​the​ ​picture​ ​to​ ​my​ ​boss,​ ​who​ ​was​ ​then,​ ​and​ ​remains​ ​one​ ​my​ ​very​ ​close friends.​ ​The​ ​rest​ ​of​ ​the​ ​day​ ​is​ ​a​ ​blur.​ ​I​ ​only​ ​wanted​ ​to​ ​finish​ ​work​ ​and​ ​call​ ​a​ ​doctor​ ​to​ ​confirm​ ​the pregnancy.​ ​After​ ​my​ ​shift​ ​was​ ​over,​ ​I​ ​sat​ ​on​ ​a​ ​bench​ ​in​ ​a​ ​Las​ ​Vegas​ ​hotel​ ​and​ ​called​ ​doctor​ ​after doctor​ ​until​ ​some​ ​could​ ​see​ ​me​ ​in​ ​four​ ​days.​ ​The​ ​wait​ ​was​ ​agonizing.​ ​Little​ ​did​ ​I​ ​know​ ​that​ ​there would​ ​be​ ​so​ ​many​ ​more​ ​agonizing​ ​waits​ ​ahead.​ ​All​ ​of​ ​the​ ​same​ ​thoughts​ ​from​ ​the​ ​day​ ​I​ ​took​ ​the test​ ​came​ ​flooding​ ​back.​ ​I​ ​was​ ​bracing​ ​for​ ​the​ ​worst​ ​and​ ​desperately​ ​hoping​ ​for​ ​the​ ​best.

I’m​ ​sure​ ​I​ ​had​ ​the​ ​clarity​ ​to​ ​film​ ​the​ ​drive​ ​to​ ​the​ ​doctor’s​ ​office.​ ​I​ ​may​ ​or​ ​may​ ​not​ ​insert​ ​that footage.​ ​The​ ​visit​ ​was​ ​quick.​ ​The​ ​nurse​ ​never​ ​actually​ ​said​ ​I​ ​was​ ​pregnant,​ ​she​ ​came​ ​into​ ​the room​ ​and​ ​said​ ​she​ ​was​ ​going​ ​to​ ​prescribe​ ​me​ ​some​ ​medication​ ​to​ ​bring​ ​my​ ​blood​ ​pressure down,​ ​not​ ​to​ ​worry​ ​it’s​ ​safe​ ​for​ ​the​ ​baby.​ ​She​ ​told​ ​me​ ​to​ ​start​ ​taking​ ​prenatal​ ​vitamins​ ​right​ ​away. She​ ​gave​ ​me​ ​a​ ​referral​ ​to​ ​see​ ​a​ ​high​ ​risk​ ​doctor​ ​and​ ​they​ ​even​ ​scheduled​ ​that​ ​appointment​ ​for me.​ ​She​ ​told​ ​me​ ​to​ ​stop​ ​dieting,​ ​but​ ​eat​ ​healthy.​ ​She​ ​then​ ​picked​ ​up​ ​her​ ​laptop,​ ​and​ ​said​ ​the doctor​ ​will​ ​be​ ​in​ ​shortly.​ ​Then​ ​I​ ​was​ ​alone​ ​again.​ ​Shell​ ​shocked.​ ​Next​ ​came​ ​another​ ​nurse​ ​who proceeded​ ​to​ ​give​ ​me​ ​a​ ​boatload​ ​of​ ​information​ ​on​ ​how​ ​to​ ​have​ ​a​ ​healthy​ ​pregnancy.​ ​Then​ ​she breezed​ ​out.​ ​Alone​ ​again.​ ​Still​ ​shocked.​ ​Then​ ​came​ ​my​ ​doctor​ ​just​ ​as​ ​cool​ ​as​ ​you​ ​please.​ ​Dr. Gregory​ ​Gex.​ ​I​ ​loved​ ​him​ ​right​ ​from​ ​the​ ​start.​ ​He​ ​was​ ​calm​ ​and​ ​pleasant.​ ​I​ ​felt​ ​comfortable​ ​and comforted.​ ​He​ ​coolly​ ​asked,​ ​“What​ ​made​ ​you​ ​decided​ ​to​ ​get​ ​pregnant​ ​at​ ​45?”​ ​“I​ ​didn’t decide! I​ ​didn’t think​ ​I​ ​could,”​ ​was​ ​my​ ​response.​ ​We​ ​shared​ ​a​ ​laugh​ ​and​ ​then​ ​he​ ​proceeded​ ​to​ ​explain​ ​what​ ​to expect​ ​going​ ​forward. He ​reassured​ ​me​ ​about​ ​the​ ​high​ ​risk​ ​doctors​ ​he​ ​referred​ ​me​ ​to​ ​and​ ​that​ ​was it.​ ​I​ ​was​ ​to​ ​come​ ​back​ ​and​ ​see​ ​him​ ​in​ ​four​ ​weeks.

Comments

  1. Brandy Johnson says:

    I remember when you sent me the pic of a positive pregnancy test. It was an overwhelming feeling of joy that came over me for you and my beautiful niece! This is an unforgettable experience that you have shared and a source of hope and encouragement for others. From one sister to another👭

  2. Leona says:

    I used to live in Carson, across the street from CSUDH!

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